confession

Well, hi! Ya, it's been awhile.

I have a confession to make. This summer has been chaotic. Crazy. Overwhelming and challenging. It has also been full of firsts and so wonderful watching Ellia grow. It's been amazing and terribly stressful all wrapped together.

For those of you that don't know, here in Ontario, we get a full year of Maternity Leave. Yup, one full year to be a stay at home mom, spend all your time with your little bundle of joy and enjoy motherhood. I opted out of my maternity leave, because, well I love my job. I work because I love it, not because I need to. I LOVE getting out and shooting, coming up with fun concepts, meeting new people and seeing old friends.  I adore weddings. Being a part of a friends wedding, new or old and being able to capture one of the most important, wonderful days in their lives is such an honour. It blows my mind that these couples let me into their lives and wedding and I will forever be grateful to them for it.

After the fun of shooting, the laughs and the love, comes the hard part. The processing. The uploading, rating photos, emails, setting up proofing galleries and editing. And so much more. Before I was a mom, this stuff was easy and time consuming, it was my only job and I loved every minute of it. Now it's the thing that pulls me away from spending time with Ellia. When I should be making up games with her and going to the park, or for a nice walk, or to the cottage or a pool, I am stressing out and upset because I should be editing. I should be answering those 10 emails sitting in my inbox. I should be sending yesterdays client their proofing gallery or editing the photos for a mom to be with her belly photos so she can get them in a timely fashion.

This balancing act is tough. Especially when you have a baby who prefers not to nap longer than 40minutes - 2 hours in total, a day, from the time she wakes up at 7 to the time she goes to bed, a lot later than she should. The funny thing is, she's happy. Dispite the lack of sleep (she typically wakes up 2 times a night) she is smiles, giggles and love all day everyday. She is SO NOT a Papalia I tell ya (mom's side likes sleep) ...she's all Spencer in that aspect.

So on top of all that, we moved. We are building a new home and it wasn't quite ready, but we needed to move out of the rental, so we are staying at my parents. Which is lovely and hard at the same time. Plus, Ellia and I were sick for almost 2 full weeks. I hate seeing her sick...and who gets a terrible flu in the summer anyways?

So what's the point of this post anyways? There isn't really one. And if you actually read it, well thanks a bunch. I just needed to put it all out there, to admit it to myself. I'm not supermom. I'm just trying to get through this crazy season and move on. I have made the desicion to not book anymore sessions than what I already have booked until the New Year. There are still A LOT of them to be shot and edited, so I'm not off the hook, and saying NO to people is HARD. It's not really my thing. But I have to do what is right for myself and my family. And I just want to be a mom now, since I didn't have a chance to give it 100% from the beginning.  Of course I'll still shoot, I couldn't not, but it will be much more selective from now on. When we are fortunate enough to be blessed with another baby, I want to remember the first year of being a mom to two as being challenging for a different reason. I can't wait. I would not have gotten through the past few months had it not been for my amazing husband, who wakes up during the night, ever.single.night. to give Ellia a bottle and soothe her back to sleep. Yup, that's right ladies, he's amazing. Or to my parents, who watch Ellia all the time and love her more than anything. If I ever need to get in a few hours of rest, or work, or Lucas and I want a night out, they are ALWAYS there. I am so fortunate.

Ok, so enough of all that...onto a few photos. Most of which you have probably already seen since I pretty much post everything on Instagram.

Most of our days are spent pushing things across the floor at Nanny & Nonno's.

 

This past weekend I had two sessions. And a 1 year birthday party for our dear little friend Kennedy.

 I'm such a dork with my matching wrapping and party theme obsession.

We are so much closer to moving into the house, I really cannot wait.

Quartz countertops are finally in. I LOVE it, there are these little 'diamonds' in it that sparkle like crazy in the evening. I like to sing, 'Shine bright like a diamond' on repeat while I'm in there. This may get annoying when we actually live there.

 Stairway light

Hubs sent me these photo today...stone on the fireplace is coming along..

 And we have grass!! woohoo...fence going in soon too.

 

Driveway and exterior is almost all done, too!

Love you guys :)

xoxo

Nat